Failed experiment

    I am a drug. It seems I used so many that I became one. I was also used by the dreams of others; that reflect in the world and my sunscreen wasn't fuck enough to block. I hid in the dark but also had a fucking reflection. He spoke, walked, listened, and understood better than me. So he would do all that and still tell people it was me. I envied him, but when I was sober I hated him.

    Today I did everything to escape my reflection. It searched me until found me. I couldn't get rid of it because it always left a note under the door saying “You can't do that. You are crazy!” And stuff like that. Ironically I've never been more lucid. I wanted to kill it more than ever again; I wanted to dissect it and understand what made it act that way; I wanted to justify my lack of attitude, my passivity for so many years. That's when I realized that I was also guilty. The at once remarkable and repulsive attitudes of that reflection were the consequence of one mistake: me.

    I couldn't let my reflection wander around, but that didn't mean it should let me do the same. I should leave, put an end to everything. However, I still had the thirst to see the reflection crumble and its existence disappear. With that in mind, I took advantage of the calmness of leaving everything, I had never felt this before and walked to the lake more abandoned than my principles, close to home. Next to was a flowerless garden and a small rusty gate with spear-shaped railings. My back was to this gate about five feet and I closed my eyes. I could never meditate because I was never content, but at that moment that nothing else mattered I felt light instantly and started thinking about the astral travel teachings I read and heard around. In a few seconds or minutes, I don't know, I was facing myself, and as soon as I realized I had gotten what I wanted, I could see myself falling over two nearby spears that crossed my chest and made my mouth a fountain of blood. I smiled and thought my life would also dissipate in less than a second. But I'm still here and what I heard or read wasn't enough to show me the way out.